Marriage

My anxiety

I can’t even think of a time where I don’t describe myself as shy and have really bad anxiety. Which is true, but I don’t know why I feel like I always need to describe myself negatively. Not saying being shy or having anxiety is a negative thing per say but when I say it or describe myself I say it in a negative way or put myself down.

I have a hard time making friends. I have a lot of friends but I’m not really close to a lot of them. 
That’s all my fault. I’m weird and never go out of my way to do things with anyone cause I’m ALWAYS afraid they don’t like me or think I’m weird. 
It’s a daily struggle. I love my husband and he loves me but there is only so much listening or shopping he can do with me before he wants to pull his hair out cause I’m to scared or embarrassed to ask anyone if they want to hang out in fear of them not wanting to for what ever reason. 
Im an awkward person. I don’t mean to be at all. I have a hard time looking at people in the eyes when we talk bc I find it awkward and I feel like the other person is feeling awkward cause I’m weirdly staring at them. It’s all in my head and half the time i tell myself to stop being weird and that’s not the case at all but I still feel that way. 
I say the weirdest things. When I get really nervous I start talking and have NO IDEA what I’m saying. Then I start to not make sense and then I feel stupid and I start putting myself down. And it’s this whole vicious cycle. That happens EVERY time. 
I don’t mean to and it happens more often with people I just met or haven’t quite gotten to know them really well or haven’t seen someone in a long time. 
I get so embarrassed over everything. 
I love people, I love making people happy and giving/ doing things for people. But talking to them is so hard for me. 
I love making friends and meeting new people but I need to start making those relationships for myself bc I suck at that. 
But if anyone wants to hang out or have a shopping buddy I’ll try not to be weird and awkward haha 🙂 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s